


Sherlock Holmes' words

by WhatLisaLoves



Series: Words (unspoken) [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Hiatus, Loss, Love, M/M, Memories, Post-Reichenbach, Reichenbach-Related, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 21:29:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6256579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatLisaLoves/pseuds/WhatLisaLoves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because it hurts, to only remember and not have.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sherlock Holmes' words

If someone had told me, back then, not that I had many people to tell me but that's beside the point, I would have laughed. Made a witty remark and deduced they had gone mad. But, that non-existent person would have been right.

An ordinary ex-army doctor, not the brightest nor the best.

At the start, you were more of an excuse, a stipulation of a contract. I needed a flatmate, so did you. Not that I expected you to stay. Nobody ever stayed.

But you did. And you wormed your way into my head. I don't know how you did it, but one day I found you wandering through my mind palace. And you were not just there, but without my knowledge, you had created your own wing. Shelves upon shelves with information about you. It showed me, in great detail, how your smile changed from polite to real if I said something funny and how your (let's be honest, ugly) jumpers hid your strong body.

You being there changed me. It changed the way I looked at you. And it made me braver, less selfish. As if I had found a new, true north to point my inner compass to.  
You made me a better man by being the best man I had ever known.

And one day I realised I had fallen for you. Something else you did that surprised me. Like you do, daily and in so many ways.

And now I'm sitting here, cold. And lonely. Surprising (or not) how some things change. I thought lonely would protect me, but you showed me that friends, indeed, do. And you were right, somehow you were always right. And I'm supposed to be the clever one!

I miss the way your eyes would look up at me, and how I learned to read the praise in them before you said it out loud. And even though you'd praised me again and again, it still felt like new, every time. Because it was real.

Or how you would wake up in our bed and whisper to my skin. No grand declarations of love, more like the size of grains of sand. But together they formed a beach. And I embedded it in my mind, a place to crawl to when the world gets darker and colder. And it did, get dark and cold. I thought I could handle it, but it seems I was wrong, again.

I hope you don't miss me as much as I miss you. I'm doing it for you, you know. And I will do whatever it takes to come back. To 221B, your tea and my violin. To the mornings of sunlight that made your hair look like spun gold and your eyes blue and inviting. Of our bed linen that carries both our scents. And our flat, all our belongings mixed, making up our home.  
When I close my eyes I can almost imagine being there.

Because it hurts, to only remember and not have.


End file.
